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Merella's Journal Entry

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Journal Entry

In my dream, I see myself holding a rose... A blue rose. I walk towards a man's house. I was smiling and was about to enter but I see the man with another woman... I couldn't see his face at all. They both see me and I stare at them... hurt... I walk off as fast as I could, holding that rose, tears streaming down my face already.

I then see myself looking over photos of me with the same man as before... I shred them into pieces until they weren't recognizable at all, feeling my heart being burn alive. I see myself crying my heart out... in pain... In sadness... in hurt... I felt like I was being burn alive... I see myself, playing with a lighted candle... The wax begins to melt and it drips onto my skin... It burns... It hurts... like how my heart is burning in pain...

I find myself at a playground, watching the sunset, from the railings. Behind me, I see the man, looking at me. I turn and see him. He tells me we could still be friends... I looked at him, no stared at him in more hurt and sadness... He moved on from me... but I didn't... I just couldn't... It burns... It hurts... I continued staring at him then finally started to walk away. He gets up from where he was sitting and grabs my arm, gripping it tightly so I don't go anywhere. He began yelling at me but I wasn't listening... I just wanted to be away from him... I tried to get away... faraway from him... I struggled and struggled but it was no use... He had an iron grip. Suddenly, from anger, he slapped me across the face. I was utterly shocked and in more pain than ever... I was hurt... I nearly fell to the ground of the impact of the slap but I kept my stand... The man looked at me, horrified at what he did... He tried to apologize to me but I ran away, faraway as possible from him, scared he would hurt me again....

I found myself at home... with the lighted candle in my hand again, letting the wax burn my skin... I was all huddle up in the corner of the living room... Scared... frightened... hurt... It burns so much... I can't forget about that man... I looked over photos again of us... I shred them into pieces once again, breaking down into tears... Every time I think about him, I feel pain and it burns so much...

I was walking down a street looking back and ahead... I felt so emotionless... I felt so alone... No one will ever be with me at this time... It burns so much... I just walked that street back and forth and finally walked back home... I looked over at a framed photo on a table... It was a picture of a tree with a heart carved in it, nothing in it.... I stared at the photo for several moments and then began to walk back out, to my car this time.

I got into my car and began driving... driving somewhere... I don't know where though... Tears were streaming down my face again as I drive... It burns so much... The pain was too much... I finally came to a stop... I was in front of that heart craved tree from the photo... I walked towards it, feeling the outline of the heart, thinking... Suddenly, the man appeared from behind the tree... As if he was expecting me... I froze up... staying completely still... scared... terrified really... He walked towards me and said, "I'm sorry..." He caressed my cheek gently and softly, the one he slapped, and he leaned in to kiss me on my lips.

I stood still then finally felt anger rose inside me. I slapped his hand away and pushed him away from me... I told him, "I hate you..." He slapped me once again across the face, harder this time and intentionally... Afterwards he just walked away from him, angry and shocked... along with sad...

I fell to the ground of the impact... emotionless... I sat up and leaned against the tree and looked up at the sunset filled sky...

After that, it went all black... I woke up back in my own room... I held my cheek, the softness and the peach colored skin still there... It was all a dream... After that dream though... I don't know... if I can trust or believe in this kind of love again... I... I don't know anymore...

It just burns to kill me....
This is a journal entry of Merella.
© 2011 - 2024 PrincessImoutoChan
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